DisApoint

nothing is ever going to be what you want

the next day is always a big front

wake up, work, go to school

be fooled by the issues,

be led astray by the love you think you feel.

never will it get better,

nor will things get sunnier!

the clouds are gray,

the night is dark

and the day is only absence of darkness.

not a contrast,

nothing to be happy with,'

just a missed chance of night

a loss of sadness.

but beware my friend

it will come back

it will not subside

nor will it fade,

the darkness finds strength in your hurt

it will thrive in your lack of love

and soon

before you know it

all of it will be gone

poof!

no more!

Throwing Fish

working on the dock is such a bitch

smelling like fish everyday

waking up with scales stuck in your finger tips

i miss the days of playing tag football and falling in the mud

the first time i broke my collar bone was easier than this is now

yesterday the boss yelled at me for laying around

i didn't know what to do with nobody throwing fish at me

so i found a cardboard box that had been thrown to the side and layed upon that for just awhile

later i was told this box was meant to ship a large order of lobster to some snobby hotel

fuck em!

my nap was awesome

the release that i used to separate my self from the love that had separated from me

smelling fish emulsion and guts all day long

so much of a relief compared to wafting her lies

then some days, i just realize that all i want is to sit in the stench,

to absorb the horrid stink

i want the world to tell me no

but i want to scream yes

this job is no good for me

im going to jump off this bridge and join the fishes!

Do you know about Siberia?

Have you ever heard of this place? It is very cold there and if you go during the right time of year you will find a lone wolf pack roaming the snow driven areas of this barren land. And standing behind them, a large man, with boots made from the skins of baby seals and a loin cloth sewn together from parts of real panther, so you know he's hot. And in his hand, while standing in this fearsome pose, you will find a dagger carved from the rib bone of Tyrannosaurus Rex. This man is the leader and ruler of Siberia, bow before him when he crosses your path and never look him in the eyes.

When you wake up the next day, it never matters!

So, you show up to the girls house. This is the first night you have ever hung out. You met her randomly at a leasing office and gave her your number. And it turns out she texts you even though you don't expect her to. Well, you end up planning a little date and then when you get to her house(maybe a bit more stoned than you should have been for a first date/encounter, whatever) you find a roommate who may have peeked your interest a bit more than the girl your supposed to be on a date with. it could be because of the erect nipples that poke thru the tiny little tank top she is wearing, it could be because she seems a little more lively than the stiff you are seemingly stuck with for the night. Or maybe it's just the simple man issue where you figure you have one, you might as well see if you can swing the duo! It's like, you have Batman, you might as well see if you can Robin too,... wait, is that gay to make a Batman and Robin reference?

So anyways, you all go out and she is just about as fun as hanging out in Home Depot... actually if you get stoned first and really dive in, Home Depot can be pretty fun, so no, not even that fun. Well, she was just kinda stiff...and I'm done with the third person.

This girl was just bland and stiff, maybe she was nervous, I'm not to sure, but, it doesn't matter cause it kinda sucked either way.

I took her and her hottie nipple proud roomie to a rad show, I was on my best behavior and they were just kinda lame. I actually ordered 3 shots at the bar and drank them all in a row 'cause I had to do something to liven the night up for myself. Then we headed up the hill to another fun bar. Free pizza and 50's/60's rock and roll being dj'd. This was my kind of place. But, of course, these two were having no fun. Her roommate seemed to at least be down a bit more than her, she was just one of those stereotypical not going to have a good time girls. So, of course after the walk home, and getting not a smidgen of anything from either girl, you would think that would be the end of the story. I did the obligatory text message after that to say thanks for the great night, yet another lie. And now, this what I'm left with to ask you....is it wrong that I planned a second time to hang out simply because I want to see her roommate and play with her dog?

JA

The Bilderberg Group is haunting my dreams

Ever have those days where every conspiracy theory you have ever heard of starts ringing true? The day you sit up in bed and realize The Queen had Diana assassinated. The Gap is one of Green Peace's biggest contributors meanwhile holding stock in Louisiana Pacifica one of the largest tree killing companies in the world. The breath you take in after that first sip of coffee and you step in the truth behind the Federal Reserve being a group of private bankers who are on a step by step mission to conquer the world and create their New World Order. That has been happening to me everyday for sometime now. I feel as though these things must be true, there is a great conspiracy out there! Obama is working towards creating the N.A.U and The health care plan he is writing will include a clause that will require us to start getting chipped. They want to tag our ears and send us to the slaughter house of under appreciated social security. I wake up in a pool of sweat every morning, and again I did this morning. I stared at the ceiling, smelled the left over draft of burnt Hash joints, the faint smell of kitty litter with fresh cat shit mixed in, some stale beer that had been poured out in the sink but not washed down the drain. I lift my head and click the T.V. on with the remote. I had one of my conspiracy nightmares again. My heart is pounding, I sip some water, I look at the news, and what do I see?... Obama's Health Plan is laughing at me. It's all true!

JA

Almost.....

During the day I went thru a moment where I was able to stand back and see the rut i dug by spinning my back wheels. Often we see this with others, they exert so much energy and still it just burns their back tires into the mud, flinging debris everywhere and not getting them anywhere. This was the illustration that helped me to realize it is not your effort that matters, more, it is your intent and your hearts manifestation. Sitting around expending energy expecting a reward will get none of us even close to anywhere. We must push ourselves into a place where we can see the future without having to look in our rearview mirror.

JA

InAugustTro

Hello All!,

I left all I was created around years ago. I have so far been on a yet to be accomplished mission of aquiring back the one that I love, the mind that I lost and the respect I have yet to earn. This is a document of my struggle, the lessons I learn and often must re-learn on a daily basis and the admission of guilt in being a part of the social problem that must be re-built. Tis' all I will say for now. The rest will come with natural progression.

JA